First there was “Firewall.” Introducing “DMV:The Reality Non-series”

Me on the phone: I got a delinquent notice. I never got the notice my registration was due and I don’t want to pay the $89 late fee.

The DMV woman: We’ve had problems with those not being sent out. Just go down to the DMV and explain and ask for the waiver.

Me: You know it’s a DMV problem but I have to go to the office to resolve it?

Her: Well otherwise your stickers would take 4-6 weeks to arrive.

(later that day at the stifling DMV office)

Me: I didn’t get a notice and want the $89 fee waived.

Imported DMV clerk: Well you need to keep track of when your registration expires.

Me: Well every year the DMV sends renewals so I didn’t have it on my calendar, and it never crossed my mind. As you can see I’ve never paid late. Obviously I wouldn’t drive around with expired tags.

Him (never looking me once in the eye): You just came from out of state last year?

Me: I lived away for a year and a half. I’ve driven in California for over 20 years and never once paid late. I heard this was a DMV problem that notices didn’t go out.

Him (with a tone like I am a convicted felon trying to scam the system): Fill out this form. I’ll see if I can get it approved. You need to track when your registration is expiring.

Meanwhile the clerk next to him is looking at me in a way in a cross between ” I know it was a DMV problem. What an asshole” and “I hope you aren’t wielding a weapon.”

Him: We’ll waive it but next time you have to pay on time.

OK maybe this didn’t include any explosions or evil Englishmen, but it was such BS. It’s a miracle though I didn’t get pulled over in driving with 2 months of expired stickers. Easier than I thought but not worth a trip to the DMV.

Stay tuned for “Phone Company: the reality series!”

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